Sweetness In The Belly...What I really wanted to Say...

I read back over the last two entries and realized I have not said what I really wanted to say. Maybe that is why it has taken me six months to write about it, as it is hard to put it into words. The surgery that I thought would heal my back, did not. After three months and much pain, I found myself having the surgery all over again. A gamut of emotions ran through me, sometimes I felt vulnerable, frightened, hopeful and discouraged, to mention only a few. But mostly I tried to stay positive through it all...I realized from the beginning that this would be a time of incredible healing for me, and it has been. This experience has brought with it many ways to experience a deeper level of healing than I would have imagined.

I realized that my body had learned at an early age what it needed to do to protect me. It did a wonderful job and when this injury happened, it again did what it knew how to do; tighten the muscles to protect the body from further pain. But now, my body needed to "let go" so the muscles could relax and begin to heal. It was so evident that even with the work I had done on my past, my body still carried the trauma. I used guided imagery, Reiki, massage and energy work to facilitate this process. But the most important thing I did, was to begin to thank my body on a regular basis for everything it had done for me. This was and still is a powerful and awesome thing for me to experience. I call it Sweetness in the belly...it is that place inside us where all things come together; the deep hurt pain of the trauma and expressing deep love and honor for that body that endured it. It is a process of deciding to really love yourself and your body and giving it what it needs to heal.

I have found that when something bad happens to people they tend to shut the windows and lock the doors and pretend that everything is really just fine. In the past, that was my mode of operation too. To let people in would have made me too vulnerable and no one likes to in that place. This idea fosters the belief that we can take care of things our self...thank you very much. This time I knew I could not do this alone nor should I. So if I would allow people to encourage, support and help me through this, it would be important to pay attention to the feelings that come up in me...and that they did. There it is again...that place of sweetness in the belly, the place where our deepest vulnerability meets our deepest desire to receive the blessings others have to offer.

And lastly, I experienced yet another level of forgiveness for both my dad and the man who molested and raped me. It is hard for me to put into words because there was not anything more I had to talk through or do; this was something that I was feeling and experiencing. In meditation I would often feel great compassion for these two men and send them light. So there is was again, that place of being able to hold both the anguish of what they did and forgiveness and love for them.

I think I have said the things I wanted to say for now, but who knows what else may be coming. I look at this journey with a bit of wonder and awe at life for always bringing us what we need to learn and somehow we are blessed by the process itself. I am grateful for everyone in my life who has extended their love and support and I acknowledge Spirit for coming to that place I now call, Sweetness in the belly.

Blessings,

Sandy

Sandy Thibault is a speaker, author and life coach at Burnsville Counseling and Healing Center. She is also co-founder of the Institute for Peace and Joy. To make an appointment for call 952-435-4144 or go to www.counselingandhealing.com

Restoring The Divine In You

In my training I as a coach, I was introduced to the Hawaiian method of healing called Ho'oponopono. The word itself means to "make right" and bring "Divine Light" into self and others. This healing method brings to our awareness the discord that arises within us from painful memories that we have held unto, the release of which would bring us into a place of peace and love. I remember learning this process of letting go and bringing love and light into any situation. It was powerful and trans formative as I did this for myself and clients. The native Hawaiians use this every evening to let go of the events of the day, whether they were viewed as good or bad. The idea being that nothing would be carried into the next day so that the day could begin with a clean slate.

Recently I read a book about an updated form of this ancient healing method. The author begins by talking how he became interested in this. He heard a story about a therapist who healed a whole ward of criminally insane men while on staff at a hospital in Hawaii. What piqued his interest is that this therapist never saw the men in a professional capacity. When the author found out that the story was true, he eventually tracked down the man, Ihaleakala Hew Len, PhD, and asked him how he did it. His reply was simple but profound. He said he would open each case and look it over, and then ask himself the question, What in me contributed to this man's problems? He would then notice what feelings and emotions came up in him and worked to clear them in himself. After he had been doing this for several months, the administration began to notice that the attitudes of the men and the staff were getting better. There was less violence and eventually the restraints from the men could be removed. Soon programs were being created and the men were able to participate in the larger community without the threat of harming themselves or someone else. Eventually the ward was closed because it was no longer needed.

This is truly an amazing story, an account of how one therapist used Ho'oponopono to make right what was within him and restore himself to the Divinity that is within each of us. Dr. Hew Len believed that we are responsible for the pain of others by what we still have to heal in us. The process he used was so simple that many were skeptical at first. He would be in a meditative state and used these words...

I'm sorry for the part I played in your pain
Please forgive me
I love you
Peace

I agree that at first one might wonder how these words could be so powerful but it is much more than just the words, it is the intention behind the words that make it powerful. The first phrase is really about repentance and forgiveness for yourself. How often do we stop and remember that we are not only responsible for our actions, but also our thoughts and feelings we have about others. And then equally important forgive ourselves for that action. The words I love you and peace are calling upon and connecting that which is Divine. It is truly a process of making right and calling upon love and peace to restore balance to our souls.

As children, we learned to say I'm sorry, forgive one another and "make right" the situation. But as adults we have sometimes forgotten to do this in our relationships, and almost never for ourselves. To me it almost feels a little like unconditional love you can offer yourself, infused by the divine light of Spirit. As I have been using this process for myself over the last several weeks, I have found it peaceful and transformative. It is not often we readily take responsibility for the pain in ourselves and others and then offer forgiveness, love and peace. Sometimes at night I find myself going over the events of the day and saying these simple words. I can feel the energy that comes up inside me as I work to heal myself and I know that energy extends out beyond me. Imagine how much healing capacity we each hold within us and we can affect each other and the world around us. Blessings to you as you use these simple words to restore the Divinity that is within you.

Blessings to you,

Sandy

For more information about us go to http://www.counselingandhealing.com/

Sandy Thibault is a speaker, author and Life Coach at Burnsville Counseling and Healing Center. She is also co-founder of the Institute for Peace and Joy. If you would like to make an appointment for coaching please call 952-435-4144.

Sweetness In The Belly...Continued

I have the most perfect place to write this entry. I am sitting on my deck looking at the deer in the preserve behind our house. It is a gorgeous evening to be writing outside...So, here is more of my experience.

A whole wave of emotions moved through me in those first few days...anger that I had yet another reminder of what had happened to me all those years ago. I felt scared as the pain increased in my right and I began to limp. My emotions were up and down as I looked deep inside for answers. I have done a lot to heal my life and really felt I was moving past many of the triggers and traps that had kept me stuck. So I took another deeper look...what did I still need to look at? What still needed to be forgiven? What is the blessing in this? After all, I knew in the deepest part of myself that this healing was about healing mind, body and spirit. My mind had went over the memories to often to recall and my unconscious mind understood that I could never change what happened to me, but I could and have changed my relationship to it. Over the years, I had spent much time forgiving the people who hurt me...but now it would happen at an even deeper level.

One day in meditation I saw myself looking face to face with the man who had sexually abused me. I observed myself looking into his eyes with compassion as I said thank you to him. Somehow I understood that what happened to me and what I learned about healing was for me to share with others. I'm not sure what had happened in his life that made him do the things he did to me but I felt great compassion for him and a understanding that this was part of my path. I can't tell you why growing up the way I did was my path...but I will tell you looking back it was clear I had been given a gift...to share my story in a way that might help others heal.

I was on all kinds of meds to help me until the surgery in mid-February but I also used other things to help me. I spent much in meditation asking for insight and clarity to help me understand. One day I quite simply realized that this was about moving the trauma out of my body. My muscles were taught early what to do to protect me, they did their job well but now it was time to let go. They were tight and spasming around my injury...the only thing is they could not tell the difference between this new injury and the hurts from long ago. You have heard the words...issues in the tissues...well, that is what I am talking about. But safety is a big issue, but thru guided imagery, I was able to just be with my body and start to let myself feel what had been hidden in my muscles. Sometimes we leave our bodies when the pain gets to much too tolerate...and I was good at it. Sometimes it was just too hard to stay with the pain and yet thsat is what we have to do. So now it was about stating present with the pain in my back and staying present to what it brought up. Easy...of course not, that is why we need each other...I knew many people were sending kind thoughts and saying prayers for my healing. When I would sit quietly I could feel the energy of those intentions my friends were sending my way and I could feel the presence of God in each thought and prayer.

I urge all of you to take five minutes to day and be full present with your body. Notice the places of discomfort and simply what your feelings. There is nothing to say or do except to send light and love to that part of you that hurts.

More next week...Blessings to you.

Sandy
For more information about us go to http://www.counselingandhealing.com/

Sweetness In The Belly...

It's been a while since I have added something new to this blog. It is not like me...I always write about about what has inspired me, what has intrigued me or made me wonder as I stood in awe of something miraculous. But whatever it is I write about it comes from my experience and the deepest part of my heart. For the last six months however, I have been quiet in my writing, not writing about something that has been going on in my life and the tremendous learning from it. Why I have been so quiet? I'm exactly sure but a week ago I had an insight that as soon I started writing about this experience it would offer healing to myself and others.

It was in mid-December that I started to have an incredible pain in my lower back that ran down by right leg. At the beginning I thought it was nothing that would not go away in a few days, but by Christmas I was in incredible pain that seemed to get worse by the day. I tried a few sessions of physical therapy with no relief and was soon sent for an MRI. Most often, the doctor is the person who gives you the report but I got mine as I went for my last physical therapy appointment. She told me I had a herniated and fragmented disc the was laying at a place where many nerves comes together causing the extreme pain. She said she could nothing to help me and I would need surgery. This is not the worst thing, it happens to many people.

But it what she said next and what my body already knew that made me know this had much greater depth to it than a simple surgery. For a good share of my childhood I was severely abused in many ways. Even though it took me weeks to acknowledge it, I knew that this pain in my back was the same as when my dad used to kick me in my lower back and butt with his cowboy boots or steel tipped work boots. As I sat with the physical therapist, she told me that I was way more likely to have this happen to me than most people. She explained that she could see from the report that my spine had some abnormality to it. When I asked her about it, she said it was from previous injuries...Her words sat hard, and I'm sure she saw it too. Finally I told her about what had happened to me growing up and asked the question I never wanted to ask...is the reason for what has happened now? I don't think she wanted to give me the answer any more than I wanted to hear, but she had to say it and I had to hear it. We sat in silence...I fought back tears and she offered her hand and said I'm sorry. I felt like I was experiencing the abuse all over again.

That's when I realized that the surgery was a small part of this and healing would come in a deep and profound understanding and learning on many levels. I did not even understand what it all meant, but I knew without a doubt that I could not do it alone.

Paula, my friend and business partner, asked if she could inform the staff of what was in front of me and ask for thoughts and prayers. Even though I am open about my story, I felt vulnerable and wanted to cover my ache without anyone knowing. But we are a healing center and teach others that we they need each other and it is no different for us. So the email went out and my road to healing at a deep level... body, mind and spirit began to unfold.

I can't tell it all at once but this is a beginning for me to talk about what this experience has been like. It is good for my soul to write and maybe you will see a bit of yourself or have a flash of insight for yourself, but regardless, when we share our stories we are a blessing to each other.

As for the title of this...Sweetness In The Belly...you will have to wait for more entries to know why it has been given this name.

Blessings,

Sandy